Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't deserve a penis
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
