she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
