Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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