I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
