I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
