You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
