You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
