If that was your dad, he is hot
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
