How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
