ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
