My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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