so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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