Who wears a wallet chain?!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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