She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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