You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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