Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
