Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
