Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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