Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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