I just pynch a tree in the face
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
