Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
