You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
