Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
