I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
