If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
