should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
