Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
