I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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