So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
