I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
