My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Randomize
