I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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