i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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