Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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