is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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