TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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