The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
