i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
