Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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