What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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