Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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