why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
