Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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