My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I smell stomach acid.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
