you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
