It's like God shit irony all over that family
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
