Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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