You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
