pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
