dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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