YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
